afraid

It must be stated that to an extent I am afraid.
Afraid that life will flip on me and I will find that I have been wrong.
Afraid that my wife will stop talking with me.
Afraid that my children will see no need to have confidence in me as a father.
Afraid that the veil will be drawn and I will be revealed for the fraud I am.
Afraid that I have woke into an experience that is handcrafted by its own creator- me.

Fear is an interesting thing. It can make us try harder or give up altogether. When given reign, fear can completely destroy its carrier. However, when restrained it can do even greater damage. Somehow fear must be both released to do its job and given parameters so it doesn't do us in. I believe this can only happen when we see our lives as series of steps on a journey.

I am not really "going anywhere", but I cannot stay here. I am really just a vagabond in search of the sacred and a good cup of coffee- and sometimes they really are just the same. I have spent an inordinate amount of time attempting to be something fashioned after the idols of progress and "destiny" who simply amount to lovers less wild than the one who has won me through Love and Mercy.

I am afraid I have missed it somewhere along the way.
I am afraid that i have less time today than yesterday with no assurance of tomorrow.
I am afraid that my kids and my wife have played second fiddle to my fear far too long.
I am afraid that many will be offended.
I am even more afraid that many more will be lost if I don't overcome my fear.

Soli Deo Gloria